Monae the Creator
Welcome!
My name is Eboni Monae Arnold, also known as Monae the Creator. I am a content creator, life management coach, photographer, model, and current PhD candidate at Harvard University. At the beginning of 2024, I decided to start a coaching business that feels more aligned with my purpose and life goals. I hope that this site or my resources are able to help you find direction and feel confident in the life that you would like to pursue!
Thank you for exploring my web pages and checking out the site!
MY STORY
Medical Misguidance and Ignorance
I was only a year old when I first experienced of racial discrimination in medicine. I had developed large dry rashes across my body, and despite my mother seeking advice from my pediatrician on multiple occasions, her concerns were shrugged off and dismissed as me ‘needing more moisturizer’. My mother eventually took me to an allergist, where I was diagnosed with chronic eczema with several triggers. About 1 in 3 Americans suffer from eczema, but it is commonly misdiagnosed for Black Americans for numerous reasons. I’ll never forget the feelings of misguidance experienced by both my parents and myself; soon after I stopped seeing my pediatrician, and did not have a stable primary care physician until graduate school. I sensed a silent agreement within my family that we couldn’t trust most general physicians, as we perceived their dismissive behavior as a lack of care for our wellbeing.
Cosmic Inspiration: Journey from the Stars to the Cell
Growing up with the Kennedy Space Center in my backyard, I have always been mesmerized by science. I consider the Cosmos to be absolutely breathtaking; energy and creation fills our universe far beyond what even a telescope could see or we could fathom. I saw numerous shuttle launches growing up, slept under rockets, took field trips out to the Kennedy Space Center almost yearly and met with astronauts at space camp. I loved documentaries about space and at one point, I really wanted to be an astronomer, just like Neil DeGrasse Tyson. I asked for a telescope one year as a gift, and loved using it to look at stars in my backyard, but quickly realized that I can only view space. Soon, my interests in science shifted; space is expansive and out of physical reach, but what’s even more fascinating is the possibility and existence of life on this very planet. I discovered the microscope and fell in love, it was just like my telescope, but allowed me to see things much closer. Eventually I learned about the most fundamental unit of life: the cell. I became obsessed with cell biology, how life worked, and how things we couldn’t see lead to a functioning organism. I participated in science fairs from a young age, but quickly realized that none of the other contestants or judges looked like me. This trend continued in middle and high school science classes, and I found it increasingly difficult to assimilate into a space where others made me feel that I did not belong. I felt that I had no real mentor; despite my excellent grades, I felt inadequate without someone to relate to and speak to about my love for science.
*The following photo features Astronaut Winston E. Scott, I am seated 2 persons to the left.*
Memories Never Die
Photos capture memories forever. A snapshot of a moment in time. Remember back when we all used disposable cameras? My Grandma never used to go anywhere without one. In fact, she always found opportunities to take photos of me and how I was experiencing life. I learned to always be photogenic, as that moment will be captured forever.
I now have a love for modeling and photography myself, and I have my Grandmother, Ivy Dean, to thank for that.
It’s no surprise that once I learned about the power of microscopes and imaging that I was hooked! Visualizing biology and cells has always been something I could stare at for hours. I loved watching videos or seeing images of cells; as a kid I remember telling myself “I’ll have my own lab and microscope in my house one day!” My grandmother passed away in 2011, but her influence on me has fueled me to this very position I find myself in today. I’ve missed her everyday since, and I wonder what she would say about what I have managed to accomplish since we last spoke. At the same time, I know that she would tell me “I told you so” and smile.
It Only Takes One
While in high school, I excelled in my coursework and involvements. Despite this, I had this deep fear that I didn’t know what to do next. I knew I loved biology, helping people, and wanted to go to college, but I also knew I didn’t want to be a doctor. I was already pretty hesitant due to my experiences growing up to go into the medical field, but felt that my only option was pre-med. My mother managed to score me an opportunity to shadow an anesthesiologist, which just further confirmed how badly I did not want to be a medical doctor. So now what?
I am a strong believer that it only takes one. One person to change your life trajectory, one event that changes your life perspective, and one person to see your potential. My life changed when Jackie Samani, my high school anatomy and physiology teacher, saw something in me that I didn’t even recognize in myself. Mrs. Samani encouraged me to apply to the Student Science Training Program (SSTP) for High School Students at the University of Florida. This was a summer training program that exposed students from across the country to research science. Upon further research, I found out that the program was a few thousand dollars to attend. This was a major financial barrier, in addition to the program typically accepting students from specific high schools or backgrounds. I decided to apply anyway.
To my surprise (and relief!), I was not only accepted to the program, but I also was awarded a full scholarship to support my attendance. When starting the program that summer, I was met with an unfortunate surprise: out of 70 students in my cohort, I was the only Black student. The inequities I was starting to experience in science began to show again, and I felt a weight bearing down on me to be successful, exceptional, and prove that I am worthy to be here too. That summer, I conducted my first intensive science project in materials science and engineering. It was very different and sometimes uncomfortable, but I was excited to go to the lab every day, anticipating my next experiment and digging through papers to understand my project more. SSTP was a major turning point in my life. Yes, I learned about science research and how to become a scientist, but then I had the most important realization: well if they are doing it, so can I.
Mrs. Samani helped me see myself for the first time as a scientist and innovator. I began to realize that the lack of minorities in other science experiences was not a sign that I didn’t belong, but a systemic issue of science literacy and access inequity. I now see myself in students from underrepresented backgrounds that love science, but may not know how to pursue this interest and have no mentor to support this adventure. It is part of my job as a scientist to open doors for them, like Mrs. Samani did for me.
Bienvenido a Miami!
Even though I graduated from high school with both my Diploma and Associate of Arts degree, I still struggled to see myself as ‘good’ enough. Yes, SSTP gave me confirmation that I wanted to be a scientist, but I felt that my identity put me at a strong disadvantage. In addition to my own doubts, I had many external individuals that also discouraged my abilities and belittled me; one even purposely ignored the work I put into graduating with my AA degree, and refused to call out my name during Senior Award Night at my High School. But once again, it only takes one person to see your potential.
My High School Guidance Counselor, Margaret Debaun, is one of the sweetest women I have ever met. We talked one day about college applications, and I think she sensed my apprehensiveness in the options I had and applications I had started already. “Have you thought about applying to the University of Miami?” she suggested. I laughed in her face: me at one of the best private schools in the state? She couldn’t be serious.
That night I did some research about the school and I started my application. As I worked on the application, the idea of going to that school was more and more appealing. I worried about financial aid, attending a private school, and felt like thoughts of failure flooded my mind without any proof that my application wouldn't be successful. I was so blessed with the opportunity to attend this institution with enough financial aid to put this dream in reach.
Attending UM was an eye opening experience. Not only was I exposed to a new environment of people from across the world, but I again noticed how much my background differed from others. I struggled with understanding my worth, working extremely hard in all my classes, and focusing heavily on community/social involvements at the institution. I gave a lot of myself to everything I did, but didn’t really take this time to discover what passions I would really want to do. Graduate school was next, and I had an idea on how to get there, but I didn’t really know what I wanted in life. I used this time at UM to do more self-discovery in this way: community, music, connection with others, sharing experiences and creativity were some of the main topics in undergrad that I felt really resonated with me.
4 Years later, I graduated from the University of Miami with Thesis Honors in Neuroscience, minoring in Chemistry, Microbiology and Immunology. I worked on a Capstone Project through the Civic Scholars Program, releasing my first website dedicated to educating African Americans about Self-Advocacy in Health. I was extremely involved at UM, joining Sigma Gamma Rho, Sorority, Inc., leading TedXUMiami and UM’s Orientation program for a few years; I was also recognized as a Black Trailblazer my Senior Year. I even went back to SSTP as a camp counselor after my Freshman year, which was a full circle moment as I was able to mentor young scientists into believing in their passions for research.
ENDURE-ables Forever
COVID-19 disrupted my undergraduate experience my sophomore year. It was painful remembering how the campus used to be as things began to open back up. The first year of COVID, I enrolled in summer courses at two different institutions so that I could stay on track to graduate and comfortably achieve the accolades I mentioned above. Although this was great, this also meant that I only had one summer and two full school years left to establish research experiences for graduate applications during my Senior year. I applied for numerous REUs (Research Experience for Undergrads) programs across the country my Junior year, especially at schools that I wouldn’t mind visiting or attending for graduate school. Of the programs I applied to, only one accepted my application: the Washington University in St. Louis BP-ENDURE program, fully funded by the NINDS (National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke). I absolutely loved this experience. This was the first time I was in a new environment outside of Florida for an extended time. I learned about St. Louis culture, explored the city, and was in an amazing zebrafish lab! With many hurdles to overcome, I am so glad that I can reflect on ENDURE as another major turning point in my life. After this program, the mentorship within ENDURE, and the growth I attained through my own hard work, I felt excited going into my Senior year of college and applying to graduate school.
I’m a Doctoral student at Harvard Medical School, like it’s hard?
Let me make one thing very clear: I never imagined myself attending an Ivy League Institution. As I applied to graduate school, I applied anywhere I could use my application voucher from attending ENDURE, and had programs/labs that I was interested in doing research in. I prepared the best personal statement I could with the help of my ENDURE mentors, and sent applications out to nine schools. I mainly applied to Neuroscience programs, but there were two programs where I applied Biology, and Harvard was one of them. Since this was around the time of the Omicron wave of COVID, I was only able to attend two graduate school visits, while most of the interviews took place online. I’m also very glad I decided to apply for the Biology program, as I realized that Neuroscience felt too restrictive for the research interests I had in developmental biology.
I received an interview from Harvard, and was immediately apprehensive about attending an Ivy League. My future cohort mates were ‘more qualified’, taking gap years at major research institutions, or completing masters degrees. As I compared myself to the other applicants, I started to wonder if I really belonged at Harvard? Would it feel right to be there, or would I feel out of place? Those doubts that developed during undergrad screamed in my ears, but I kept pushing myself through this discomfort… At the end of the day the worst they could say is no. Attending the diversity weekend visit, a lot of those fears melted away as I found an amazing support system, and knew that there were folks, both graduate students and faculty, that wanted me at Harvard, and wanted me to succeed.
I still remember the day I received my admissions email. I cried. I couldn’t stop smiling. I could barely even believe it (sometimes I barely believe it now). Who would’ve ever imagined little ole me going to graduate school at Harvard University!? I look at photos from when I was a child, and I wonder what she would say knowing what I know now?
Embracing Love and Purpose
Since being at Harvard, the experience has been… interesting. I talk more about these things on my YouTube channel, and am so excited to keep these discussions going. Around March of 2023, I started to feel like the career options post graduate school did not fit for me. I love the idea of mentoring, but running a lab as a woman of color is extremely difficult, almost unachievable due to funding and politics. Many PhDs opt for industry jobs because of the pay, except there are barely mentoring opportunities and many people end up hopping from job to job due to brief contracts or business changes overall. There were some other options like science policy, but I really had to consider… is working on the government’s timeline fulfilling to me? No.
Truth is, none of those jobs felt like they were the best use of my talents and gifts.
I felt stuck. I applied for a Health Policy Fellowship to engage my brain differently, and try to gain a better sense of direction. Soon I started feeling like I was in a crisis.
Who was I? Who did I want to become? Do I want this PhD? What do I want to do with this PhD? How do I do it?
What is my purpose?
This is always a tricky question to ask... the truth is, your purpose is something your develop, it's not really discovered. I identified that I had major anxiety while I was in graduate school. It’s one of those things where once I recognized it to be true, things began to make a lot more sense to me. From my upbringing to the way I would respond to some situations; I realized I had major doubts about myself and my career path. Again, despite my laundry list of accolades, I felt that something was still off, that I still didn’t know what was next... what is my purpose?
In the Fall of 2023, I was enrolled in an Ethics course. What was interesting about this course is that all second-year PhD students had to take it, and the course sections had people from various bioscience disciplines. I remember how I felt sitting in that classroom next to students that had taken gap years. Students with parents or family that were research scientists, had gone to MIT, Harvard, or some other ‘elite institution’. Students who had years of training and skills greater than my own.
One class, I was finally fed up with it all. Why is it that they had all these opportunities and access? How come I never heard of some of these programs? How was I supposed to find out? How were my parents supposed to figure out how to support me? The questions circulated and accumulated in my mind, until I found myself thinking about it all the time. Then one day it hit me: If I didn’t have those resources growing up, then I can become that resource for someone else.
I decided from there I wanted to be a Life Coach. Watching a variety of coaches on YouTube I eventually realized I can do that too for those in science careers. It is a very non-traditional trajectory, and I have been met with a variety of challenges, yet this is more rewarding than taking the backseat in navigating my own life path. I got back into my creative outlets of photography and modeling. I restarted my original YouTube channel. I started a Podcast. And now, I am creating this website hoping to lift as I climb through this career as a research scientist and coach.
As life would have it, I realized in early 2024 that I had been treating my blackness as a handicap. I always felt I wasn’t good enough because I was identified as a ‘Black Woman Scientist’. I come from a background historically underrepresented in the laboratory. The resources and the structure of graduate school is not made for people that come from my background to succeed. I am treated differently by faculty and frequently get comments on how my work ‘surprises’ others. Being a Black Woman is my biggest strength as a Scientist.
Being a Black Woman is why I work so hard. It’s why I feel my voice needs to be heard. It’s why I continue to preserve even when others would rather see my downfall. It’s why I keep pushing and taking steps everyday, because I know one day my success will inspire thousands like me. Being a Black Woman makes me proud of my self-expression at work, regardless of how others may perceive it, or if I may be the only person that expresses myself in such a way. I am more than proud to be a Black Woman, and I will continue to use my identity as my greatest strength.
Now what? What support can I provide you?
As a lifelong learner, I have been very dedicated to figuring out more ways to continue to develop myself, and improve my personal and professional life. I am also very inspired to share these things along my journey, as I believe we learn the most from the experiences of others.
A few of the achievements that I have accomplished recently include passing my Doctoral Candidacy Exam, and honestly enjoying this experience. This exam is pretty challenging, but I personally found that developing a growth mindset and accepting that I will always learn new information in science really helped me pass with flying colors. The last year and a half, I have been on my own healing journey. This has included me overcoming mental blocks, reaching a greater confidence in myself, and learning to love myself authentically. I have also revisited my love for creativity, and have even decided to start this business! I have also developed my sense of trust and discipline with my body through my daily meditation and yoga practice, as well as training for my first 5K. I hired a coach at the beginning of 2024, receiving intensive individualized coaching in preparation for starting this business and organizing my content creation. At Harvard University, I have recently completed an Entrepreneurial Thinking course that helped me further refine the ideas and skills I already have to offer, as well as launch my first course!
I hope this deep dive into my life was informative, and I look forward to working with you in the near future!
-Eboni Monae, July 2024
